Alice's Franciscan Journey

Francis

My journey started the night I had a dream where I was walking on what seemed to be clouds � nothing but clouds. There was a voice in the distance saying, "Come." I tried to follow the voice, but I came to an edge and, as I was going over, there was a voice (Della Reese) saying, "You ain�t seen nuthin� yet Baby." I woke up.

My family told me I was spending too much time in church and that I needed a life. I dismissed it as a dream. That Saturday night, the Gospel was about Elisha waiting for the Lord to come. He stood on the mountain and looked in the strong wind, in the earthquake and in the fire, but the Lord wasn�t there. Then he went inside a cave and heard a tiny whisper. The Lord was in the whisper.

Our Deacon gave the homily that night, and was stating that it would be so simple if God would just stand in front of us and say, "I want you to do this. And this is how you should do it." But, he said, "The Lord only whispers to us putting the thought in our minds and hearts." Then it is up to us to either accept or decline his invitation. The dream flashed back in my mind, and I felt fear and a burning feeling in my stomach.

After Mass, I was thinking about all the strange roads my life was beginning to take. I asked God what he wanted me to do, and I asked myself what is it that I am supposed to do. I was really confused when Rose came up to me and said, "How would you like to come to our Franciscan meeting tomorrow afternoon. I think you would like it. I�m inviting you to come and check it out. It�s different. I think you would really like it. It�s not just an organization; it�s a way of life."

I attended the meeting, and when I left I was not the same. There was something there that seemed to reflect the message in my dream. Somehow, I connected with what Francis was about. I couldn�t understand what it was, but I felt a sense of belonging and I knew I had to return.

A few months passed, and just before the meeting, I had the same dream, ending the same way. This time the voice was louder, but I still couldn�t find it. Again, Rose came up to me and said, "The meeting is this Sunday. Hope you can make it." The dream flashed back to me and I knew I had to make it. I had to find out for myself if this was the direction I was to follow. Was I being called for something? If so, what? And how were the Franciscans involved? I was moved by the structure of the meeting, starting with prayer and hymns, and the whole meeting put all my fears and anxiety at ease for the moment.

Just before the Transitus festivities, I had the same dream for the third time. It was exactly as the first one, but the voice was even louder than the second one. The burning and terror were back. I came to the festivities and was invited to participate in the events, even though I was not a professed member. That seemed such an honor to be a part of the ceremony reliving Francis life from human life to his spiritual life. I had never witnessed, or participated in, such a beautiful event.

I knew then that I wanted to be a part of the Franciscan life style and that possibly this was where I would find the "something" I was to do. I still had the burning and terror, and it seemed the more I searched for direction, the more I was pulled closer to Francis and the urge to keep looking. Fr. Anthony told me that dreams usually come in threes, and that they end when you find their direction. After I committed to be a candidate, the dreams ended. I knew I was going in the right direction.

I realized I knew so little about Francis� life that I looked for something to help me understand why his life became so important to me, and why he seemed to be at the center of all my searching. I came across a book called Francis, the Passionate Troubadour.

This book is about Francis� life from the time he was becoming a man. He was a young man who had everything he could want. As he was struggling with his feelings, he heard strange voices calling, "Come to me." He tried to dismiss the voices, but the harder he tried, the more it became a part of him. He couldn�t imagine how his life would change. I began to relate to him. The terror and burning sensation in the stomach seemed to have meaning.

The book described the trials Francis endured during the search for his identity. As I progressed into his life, I realized why Francis was the force I was dealing with.

I knew he started the Sisters of St. Francis of Assisi, but I did not know that he also started the Secular Franciscans so that everyone would be able to do God�s work even in the family sector. Rose kept telling me that the Secular Franciscans were not an organization, but a way of life. Now this made sense.

After examining his life, I could see why Francis was so in the middle of all my confusion. The Church was going through a transition then. There was unrest. There were scandals, people leaving the Church because the Church would not transform to their way of thinking. People were blaming the Church for all their problems. The Pope died and uneasiness was felt until the new Pope was elected and the people knew their direction. There was a war, terrorism, and killing of innocent people. Francis never gave up. His kindness, patience, and care for others prevailed. God told Francis to rebuild his church. So Francis marched on. This is what we are facing today.

Why the dreams? Why the attraction to St. Francis? I believe that what the dreams were trying to tell me, was that the needs of the church are the same today, as they were then, and that it was time to do my part. Now I keep hearing the words, "Save my Church." What it means, again, I�m not sure. But I know I have to keep searching. We tell ourselves there is nothing we can do. Just because we cannot do everything is no excuse for doing nothing and there is always something we can do if we put our minds, imagination and our hearts into it. I know that I cannot do it alone. I know that there is something to do and I must keep searching until I find it. So whatever it is, Francis seems to be at the base. I know in my heart that I was directed to the Secular Franciscans for an important reason. We know that the world is hungry for justice, mercy, dignity and hope, and we can start by giving something of ourselves. If we take one step at a time, if we reach out to one person, we can make a difference in our lives and the lives of others. This is the basis of Francis and the Secular Franciscans. These steps can be the start of "Saving the Church." Francis said to pray often and help whoever needs help. Francis was told to start a journey poor so he could end up rich. I believe that I started not only poor, but lost. Knock and the door will be opened; seek and you shall find; ask and it shall be given to you. I knocked on God�s door. I was seeking guidance to God�s wishes. I asked for God�s help and, through this journey, I was led to Franciscans to become rich in faith and hope. By examining Francis� way of life, I came to realize that like Francis, for me, a path is laid out. A path I feel compelled to follow. The first step is being a Secular Franciscan.

So, with God in charge, Francis as a role model and the Secular Franciscans as guides, I will be able to complete what has been started for me.

I would like to thank Rose for inviting me to explore this life and for sponsoring me, Virginia for teaching and guiding me along the journey. And thank you for offering me a chance to continue searching for my path by becoming a Secular Franciscan and being part of the "way of life" of St. Francis.